Oops, I did it Again…
Yup, I did it again. I went out with someone I met on Match.com but this time it was a real date. And by real date I mean dinner and movie. I don’t know why I thought that would be better than just coffee or a drink… it must be from that head injury I sustained a while back.
After the last date I went on I said never again and I meant it… but it had been a while and I was feeling lonely so there I was browsing profiles when I was pinged with an instant message. I don’t remember what he said but I do recall thinking, “this guy is funny.”
So, I fix my hair, do the makeup thing, try on three different outfits and end up wearing the first one. I am beginning to wonder how I got myself into this while trying to figure out how to get out of it.
I whine to my daughter, “I don’t wanna gooooo! I’d rather stay here with you.”
“Get out of here” she said not unkindly.
Wait! A voice in my head said.
What does this guy look like? I had been so enamored with his sense of humor that I didn’t even really look at his picture. I quickly click onto his profile and there he was. A wave of disappointment washed over me. Not to be cruel but he was the opposite of good looking. He had several pictures posted so I moved through them hoping his main profile pic was just bad lighting… it wasn’t.
Oh well. I made the date and I wasn’t going to cancel it. Before I left the house I gave my daughter all of the pertinent information she would need to find me or him if I came up missing. Hey, I may be new to the dating scene but I’m not stupid.
As I drove into Seattle I was feeling anxious and the clouds above me reflected it. They were dark, ominous; filled with rain and hail. I was fortunate enough to arrive at my destination before the sky opened up and released the fury of a springtime storm.
I had never been to Pacific Place shopping center before. It was beautiful and filled with many of my old friends like Ann Taylor, Kate Spade, and Michael Kors. I was glad I had arrived early so I could do a little shopping while I waited for my date.
I browsed the stores, made a purchase and approximately 10 minutes before we were scheduled to meet I wandered over to the spot we had agreed upon. I sat down on a nearby bench to wait. As I sat patiently, trying to appear nonchalant, I noticed a man standing about 10 feet away also trying to appear nonchalant but failing miserably.
Sadly, he was easily recognizable from his profile picture and there was a split second where I wanted to turn and run but I couldn’t. I’d made a commitment and I was going to follow through with it. Besides, he was so funny via email maybe it would turn out okay.
As I walked up to him I got the feeling he was expecting me to make some excuse and then leave. Per our agreement, I reached out and lightly punched him in the arm and said, “Hey you…”
He turned to me with a smile and we shared a polite hug. His first words to me should have been an indication of how the evening was going to go when he said, “Thank you for showing up. The date I had last week took one look at me, turned and left without a word.”
“Are you sure it was her?” I asked appalled
“Yep. It was her…” he replied.
While being horrified that someone would behave that way, I couldn’t help thinking; well that it’s it for me. I’m stuck.
We decided on a restaurant and sat down for dinner and a chat. He’d already picked the movie which at the time seemed really thoughtful. He knew I worked for a non-profit and was an activist of sorts so he picked a documentary; Girl Rising which seemed very interesting and thought provoking.
It was during dinner that things started to take a turn for the worse. I realized he wasn’t the least bit interested in what I had to say. He asked questions that were geared toward him being able to expound on his beliefs and trivialize or trample over mine.
“Did being in Africa, feeding meat to lions have any impact on your choice to be a vegetarian?” He asked
“Actually…” I began
“Society today” he interrupted, “is so obsessed on what comes out of their butt that they choose things like vegetarianism for stupid reasons…” he continued on but I quit listening.
It didn’t take me long to realize that he had no interest in hearing anything I had to say.
I was simply an audience to him.
So I quit talking.
He didn’t notice.
I sat through the meal wondering why on earth I decided to have dinner and a movie with someone I had never met. Which for the record was the number one question I got from my friends; why would you do that?
I don’t know!?! I was new at this. Leave me alone!!!
With dinner finally over it was time to head to the movie. I didn’t realize we would be walking eight blocks on a chilly, rainy Seattle night to get to the theatre. He talked at me nonstop the whole way.
As I write this I realize that I might be coming across as arrogant or ungrateful but wait… this is just the beginning.
We arrived at the theatre and I was pleasantly surprised to see it was the same theatre I had gone to as a kid to watch such movies as Earthquake, Towering Inferno and Jaws! It was truly the highlight of my evening.
As we took our seats I was concerned he would try and put his arm around me or hold my hand. I found myself leaning as far left as I could without being obvious.
It was obvious.
Fortunately, he got the message and didn’t try anything.
Unfortunately, he chose a different way to connect during the movie. I feel it is important to say that I am in no way exaggerating what happened next. I know it will be hard to believe. It’s hard for me to believe and I was there!
During the next 101 minutes (the length of the film) he continually leaned over and in a very loud voice “whispered” in my ear completely inappropriate comments. Rather than try and recreate the conversation, because there wasn’t one, I am just going to list 5 uncomfortable moments.
- “The next time your daughter complains about taking her son to soccer you need to just reach over and punch her in the face.” He said this with such anger and aggression it was concerning.
- “The next time your daughter complains about taking her son to boy scouts you need to slap her as hard as you can” Again, anger and aggression colored his tone.
- “What is she complaining about? At least she gets to visit other countries.”
- “At least she got to have sex. I haven’t had sex in months.”
- “Why are they only showing girls from other countries? Where’s the American girl?”
The first two comments were in reference to a very small girl having to carry water in a jug that was bigger than her for a very long distance. Note: I did mention I had a daughter and grandson but never said she complained about anything which made his comment even more disturbing.
Number three is referencing a young girl that was displaced and relocated due to war in her country.
Number four was the worst as it was about a 12 year old girl that had been raped and the perpetrator got away with it.
Number five came at the end of the movie. While I agree that there are girls in America that are uneducated there was such an obvious disconnection between his perception of the movie and reality.
Needless to say I was mortified by his behavior. He “whispered” loud enough for others to hear him and I desperately wanted to stand up, apologize and explain to the rest of the audience how I came to be there with this lunatic.
Why didn’t I just leave? It’s a question I have asked myself over and over again. The only answer that makes sense is this: It was late at night in downtown Seattle and I had no idea how to get back to where my car was. I just didn’t feel safe.
We walked back to Pacific Place in relative silence. He waited with me while the valet brought my car around. I gave him a polite hug goodbye and that was the end of that. I never heard from him again.
That was my last online dating experience.