May 5, 2013 is going to be a special day…
It is will be the one year anniversary of when my husband, oops, sorry ex-husband told me he no longer wanted to be married to me.
I didn’t handle it well… but that’s a story for another day… maybe May 5th.
So, here we are 11 months later and guess what? Not much has changed.
We are still unhappy with each other even though we are now divorced.
We still disagree on the core things like honesty, fidelity, trust.
We still misinterpret what the other one says and means, which leads to drawn out discussions with him finally saying, “Is this conversation productive?”
Yes, motherfucker, it’s productive! It’s productive because I have something to say even if you don’t want to hear it.
Will he ever hear it?
It’s been 11 months and one divorce later so, no… Don’t think he ever will.
So, you might ask yourself (I sure do), “Why bother?”
Because there are kids involved and you still care about him and last but certainly not least… regardless of all the pain and heartbreak, you just want to be heard!
The only thing new in this conversation is his girlfriend. Okay, so she is not “new” in the true sense of the word as she was the woman he was dating right before he met you so, in essence, she is his “old” girlfriend; polished up to appear all shiny and new.
It’s like the toy you take away from your child because he never plays with it. You put it in the closet for just long enough…
Shall we say 18 years?
Yeah, 18 years oughta do it… then you pull that old toy from the highest shelf in the closet and you present it to your little one and say;
“Here you go, sweetie. Remember this dolly? What? You’ve already played with her?
She’s sick? Well, she’s all better now.
She’s been to doll therapy and she is all fixed and perfect for you!”
Before you know it, your little one has snatched that doll right out of your hand, ignored all of the other loyal and faithful toys, and now…
Now that new baby doll is the perfect toy for him.
Guess what else comes with that new dolly?
Lies and defensiveness.
Those are two of the things advertised on the new dolly’s box; you just didn’t notice it when you pulled her from the top shelf.
18 years later that dolly can and will do things he didn’t know she could do back in the day. Cuz’ back in the day that old dolly was bad. She didn’t understand your child, wasn’t there for your child and… OMG, was even a little bit crazy and frightened… your child.
But it’s okay now. She’s all fixed and healthy… what? What about your child? Has your child changed?
That is the beauty of new dolly. She is the only one that needed to change cuz she was the only one with the problems. New dolly has evolved and loves your child regardless of how he hurt and betrayed her in the past.
New dolly is perfect.
New dolly has grown.
New dolly can stand on her own two feet.
Want to hear the best part?
New dolly wants to be your friend. Yup! She wants to know if you are okay. Wants to have drinks with you and heal old hurts… You didn’t know there were hurts to heal…
Are you fucking kidding me?
Nope. I am not fucking kidding you.
New dolly has sent you several emails filled with hearts and sunshine and promises of fields filled with lollipops and martinis and all you have to do to get it, is to with meet new/old dolly so you both can “heal”.
Here’s the best part… your child is thrilled about this meeting between new/old dolly and you.
Perhaps he is secretly thinking of a ménage a trois… yeah, ménage a fuck you!
So, I am going to meet with old/new dolly and hear what she has to say…
I owe her that, don’t I?
I mean, he left her for me or at least that is what she thinks anyway… (besides I want the lollipops and martinis!)
He says that’s not true and of course we believe him… bullshit!
We don’t believe a word he says when it comes to new/old dolly.
We are learning not to believe a word he says about anything.
His words feel like weapons.
Is this really happening to me?