The Story of Us and other Random Poetry

I came into this world with a story to tell and have spent my whole finding different ways to share it. One those ways is through poetry and I thought I would share some of it with you today. These few poems below span from 1991 when I was hospitalized with Anorexia and Depression through 2008 when I discovered a passion and unrealized talent for art and started using that has a way to express myself.

Please know that some of the darker stuff was written a very long time ago and is not the reality I experience today. I am sharing it with the hope that it will touch your life in some meaningful way.

Us
Hands Touching/Lips lightly grazing Me. You —Us
Together
Ours souls touch/Meet in the middle
Become One
Your face/The stubble rough against my palm
The scratch is good/Soft is the moment
Love
Skin on Skin/Hands mouth everywhere
Music is the catalyst for the movement
Guitar plays/my body arches/Fingers like feathers caress
Our blood flows as sweet and smooth as the lyrical tone of a flute
Passion
The connection is deep/You are the one
No one compares/We are whole.
Together as one/Meshed in the moment/Fluid, Silken, Beautiful
Complete
I love you is whispered/Loving you is felt
In the moment together/You Me — Us
Intimacy
I feel you with my eyes/I touch you with my scent
Meant for this moment/You. Me Us. We.
Together
Overwhelming Softness/My soul is open
Hands stroking/Lips skimming/Flutes playing
You are the one.
The only one.
Tears fall gently/Heart swells with love
Forever

Lonely
I feel lonely in this house full of people.
Alone with my pain and thoughts of failure.
You say you love me but stress that no love is unconditional.
Right now I feel the conditional part of your love.

If your happiness is not my responsibility why does it weigh so heavily on me?

Why do I feel that I am the one that needs to make amends?
If you are not ready to talk about it where does that leave me?
The one responsible; alone with my thoughts and weak apologies.

Alone.
All alone with this pain and yes.
Anger
I’m afraid to admit it but I am angry with you right now.
Why am I afraid?
It has to be Right. Good. Perfect.
Or you’ll leave…
Right?

You say you won’t but for some reason it’s a truth I can’t afford to believe.

Twelve years you say and still I don’t believe.
How can I expect you to understand when you are not me?
Twelve years is nothing compared to a life time of abandonment.
I am sorry but it’s true.
Again.
You see?
I am apologizing.

When does it stop being my fault?
When do I get a reprieve?
When does the forgiveness come?
When do I feel the relief?

I do not see the light at the end of this tunnel.

Choices
I have two ME’s
The strong me
The weak me
Both fighting to be free

The battle continues
From day into night
No rest for my soul
A continuous fight

I’ve tried to win
I’ve tried to lose
But neither side quits
And I cannot chose

The choice is mine
This much I know
It’s hard to allow
These feelings to show

So I tend to give up
Give in
Slow down
And in my sorrows
I let myself drown.

Today
Locked in my mind, full of despair
know not what to do, don’t really care.
People keep telling me I’m killing myself
I know I should care but I have nothing else.

I started this poem with an idea in mind
But I’ve lost it now and it’s hard to find.
That’s the way it’s been of late
Can’t remember, can’t focus, can’t even hate.

So I struggle through trying to finish this
To make some sense or have a purpose
It sounds like my life; those words up above
Full of emptiness, pain and lacking in love.

Untitled
Threats have been issued
Advice has been shun
Food is my weapon
I have no gun

They want me to live
I want to die
Food is the enemy
My life is a lie

So please go away
Let me go in peace
Please don’t abandon me
Your help is my leash.

No Voice
He has no voice
But for me
He has no voice
He is only three

Through his eyes only he can see
He has no voice he is only three
What words would he form if he could speak
Would they be strong or come out weak
Helpless or hopeless would they be
If he had a voice at only three

He’s a strong boy in this I have faith
His protector is weak much like a wraith
He has no voice
He is only three
He has no voice
But for me

Mother
You knew her first
I knew her last
Both of our memories
Reside in the past

Singing songs
Reading books
Making fudge
Changing her looks

Her sadness was profound
Her joy was unique
She gave life to twelve children
Her future was bleak

You lived in one world
I lived in another
Our paths were separate
The bond is our Mother

Our journeys have been different
Our lessons diverse
The outcomes are peaceful
We conquered the curse

I thought of you often
Wondered if you thought of me
Started searching for you
What would the outcome be?

I knocked on your door
You opened it for me
With courage and strength
A bond there would be

She’s a part of you
And a part of me
Our lives intertwine
“I” becomes “We”

Although she is gone
In our hearts she remains
She is the bond that we share
Sharing memories heals pain.

This entry was posted in Anorexia, Home, Loss, PTSD, Suicide, Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to The Story of Us and other Random Poetry

  1. So incredibly beautiful, all of them! Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable piece of your heart. I loved this glimpse into your soul from those years of your life. Love you, dear friend!!

  2. I welcome these poems that resonate as part of a very painful personal experience. I feel raw pain coming beautifully through the tip of your fingers. Leave nothing behind/inside and keep writing these beautiful poems.

  3. Thank you, Lisbeth. What beautiful words to describe what you felt. Thank you for “getting” it.
    XoXo

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