It Will Never Happen To Me

Where the Hell are my Rose colored glasses?

Posted on July 18, 2013 by itwillneverhappen2me

I quit my job.
It’s a pattern of mine. There’s no denying it.
Every two years or so I quit my job for one reason or another.
It wasn’t a big deal in the past as I was married to someone that made a lot of money and I didn’t have to work.

That is no longer my truth.
But it didn’t stop me from quitting. It actually made it feel necessary.
I was/am having a nervous breakdown of sorts. I just can’t do it anymore.
People constantly asking me for things, expecting it to get done when I can barely get myself dressed in the morning.

I’m not sleeping.
I’ve gained weight.
I am fifty years old and SINGLE!
Seriously?
This is my life?

It’s been 14 months since the day he announced the end of our marriage.

Yes, “ANNOUNCED”

He didn’t ask me to participate in the conversation or the decision.
The only choice I had was to fight it but what would be the point.
I don’t want to be married to someone who doesn’t want to be married to me.

This is my life if viewed from the lenses of a pessimist:

I am unemployed.
Not sleeping.
Gaining weight.
Single at 50.

And Pissed off.

This is my life if viewed from the lenses of an optimist.

I quit my job to pursue my passion for writing and painting!
I don’t need as much sleep as I used to because I am so excited about my future!
I’ve put on a little weight and everyone says I look “healthier”!
I’m single again and that opens up a lot of amazing love opportunities!
Sure I get angry at times but that’s healthy, right?

Both scenarios are my reality… it just depends on the day.

Posted in Career, Life after 50, Life After Divorce, Loss | Tagged Divorce, fear, Grief, life after divorce, loss, Optimism, Pessimism, Surviving Divorce | Leave a comment

For the LOVE of Animals

Posted on July 17, 2013 by itwillneverhappen2me

Once again the courts in Zimbabwe have postponed the hearing to address the issue of whether or not Sarah Carter may move the animals she has rescued and taken care of these past eight years to The Twala Trust Animal Sanctuary.

The postponement is concerning for several reasons. First and foremost the wellbeing of the animals both physically and emotionally.

As you know, animals can sense when things are not right. Humans are stressed. Changes that were supposed to occur have not. Visitors disappearing.

If you doubt this just recall all the times we’ve heard about animals reacting to the energy generated by natural disasters (earthquakes, tsunamis, etc.) much sooner than the actual event takes place.

The financial impact has been difficult. Given the turmoil and negative publicity, people are not visiting Bally Vaughn as before. The sanctuary depends on the funds generated by visitors to help keep BV running; animals fed, employees paid, utilities working, etc.

This situation needs resolution and quickly.

The false accusations need to end.

I would ask the Putterills this:

If you care so deeply for the wellbeing of the animals that currently reside at Bally Vaughan, why are you doing this? What is your motivation?

If you truly and unselfishly care about the animals, then I beg you; drop this lawsuit.

For the love of animals, PLEASE DROP THIS LAWSUIT.

For everyone else…

Continue to spread the word and support Sarah Carter’s right to move the animals to The Twala Trust Sanctuary.

Continue to financially support BV by visiting the sanctuary, saying hello to the animals, Sarah, the volunteers and the staff.

Until this situation is resolved we need to keep this conversation going. For the love of the animals…

Posted in Africa, Animals, Uncategorized | Tagged Africa, Animal, Animal Sanctuary, Twala Trust, Zimbabwe | Leave a comment

The power of one…

Posted on July 13, 2013 by itwillneverhappen2me

I am reposting this blog due to the importance and time sensitive nature of the situation. Please continue to support Sarah Carter in her efforts to move forward with Twala Trust and getting the animals to their new homes. Tweet, blog and/or donate. Spread the word. Thank you!

It Will Never Happen To Me

If you have read my blog you know that I love animals as much, if not more than people. I definitely trust animals more than people.

This past January I was fortunate enough to spend the entire month volunteering at Bally Vaughn Animal Sanctuary located outside of Harare, Zimbabwe. I chose BV because of Sarah Carter (pictured above with Zimba, a baby Vervet who was rescued at 3 weeks when his mother was killed).

Before deciding where and how I was going to dedicate my time and money while doing this month of service I did a lot of research. I found Sarah and Bally Vaughn through the website http://www.volunteer4africa.org/. Every word that I read on her website resonated with me. The love, care and respect that Sarah and her team have for the animals truly aligned with my personal feelings.

Sarah is one of those amazingly self-less people that has dedicated…

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Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Last Day On Earth

Posted on July 11, 2013 by itwillneverhappen2me

“You told me you would never leave me.” She said quietly

But he did.

She reminded him of the commitment he’d made to her. Not just on their wedding day; one he repeated many times over the following years.

He corrected her.

He said, “My commitment was to the marriage, not to you.”

Ouch!

“Couldn’t you have clarified your vows 17 years ago?”

He said it was implied.

Her racing heart began to slow…

“Is there someone else?” She asked

“No.” He replied.

“Do you still love me?” Her breath she held still

Yes.

“Are you in love with me?” Her voice but a whisper

No.

“Well,” she said calmly, as she rose from the couch. “I certainly don’t want to be with someone that doesn’t love me.”

“I didn’t think you would.” He said; voice tinged with relief.

Her dark brown eyes filled with tears as she said, “I don’t think I can stay here… with you, tonight.”

“Okay…”

Silence filled the room as she walked to the doorway, turned and took one last look at him; his dark hair unkempt from the previous night’s sleep, hazel eyes filled with sadness. It would be the last time he saw her.

Posted in Suicide | Tagged Divorce, Grief, life after divorce, loss, Love | Leave a comment

No Wise Words Ever Stopped the Bleeding

Posted on July 10, 2013 by itwillneverhappen2me

I observed a man interrupt a woman sharing her grief from the recent loss of her mother with a platitude.
Immediately the woman became quiet.
Withdrawn.
The man appeared pleased.
He thought he had helped.

I have seen this happen time and time again.
I have been on the receiving end of this “kindness”.
I say kindness because I believe the person is trying to help.
They aren’t.

I become frustrated when this happens.
It takes courage for some people to open up verbally, expressing the pain they feel.

When a well-meaning person comes along, shuts them down with a platitude, it can lead to feelings of shame or embarrassment. It can lead to feeling “unsafe” in a place where safety was implied. It could prevent a person from opening up again.

I have seen many a well-meaning person jump into the middle of one’s grief in an effort to “comfort” them. I’ve rarely seen the recipient comforted.

The expression I see on the face of the supporter is often one of relief. Relief they are no longer in danger of bearing witness to pain that causes them to feel uncomfortable.

There’s a line in the song Breakeven by The Script. “No wise words ever stopped the bleeding.”

I know this to be true.

A good doctor listens to a patient before diagnosing or treating them. They ask questions; make sure the patient feels heard before making a recommendation. She doesn’t bandage a wound until it is ready.

The same goes for emotional pain. True compassion will allow the person to verbally bleed for as long as necessary. Even, if it causes discomfort.